Fall Break

As difficult as some moments may be, no matter how drained/exhausted I am, and how much I deserve and could use some ALONE time, I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying Fall Break! I get nervous sometimes, because when Chelsea and Gavin are together, it's pretty much like a tornado is blowing through my house. The kids have a love/hate relationship, Chelsea has major jealousy and resentment against her brother, although she enjoys his company, she's very vocal about wishing he wasn't HER brother, lol. -Sigh- I can't blame her, she's someone who craves and loves attention, and until he came around, all our focus was on her, she was our spoiled little princess, not to say she isn't still, but obviously our attention is divided between the two, and well I'm only one person, when Jon's not here, it's very hard to give them BOTH all the attention they desire.

When the kids are spending individual time with me, its a breeze. I guess this is totally normal. Chelsea and I have bounded very much, and the alone time has helped a great deal. I'm making it appoint to have "special" time, and do things with her, ALONE even if it's while Gav's asleep. I've made it a point to do that for this entire deployment, but with her being off days for vacation, it allows us more time together, even if we're not necessarily just goofing off, we enjoy each others company even to just run errands and do chores. Add in a "Strawberries and creme" and I'm her new BFF! Haha-I'm not too excited, as I know it won't last long! She's a butterfly, she comes and goes as she pleases. Never the less, this time together has been important, and I will try my best to keep this going.

I've always loved family time, I do things with the kids and I ALL the time, we have plenty of playdates, and friendly get togethers, but there was a point in time where I thought I had to be with other friends who had kids, so I could have adult talk, and the kiddos can mingle, but I've realized we don't need to do that the majority of the time we spend together, verses doing things just the three of us. I've been making it appoint to have more "ALONE" family time, and I've really been enjoying it. The kids need to learn that we don't always have to be with other families to have fun! I know I"m boring and not as "cool" but you can have all the time with your friends when you're older. For now, I'm going to enjoy my littles, and occassionally I'll share them with the world :o)

 All our emotions are on high, with deployment slowly coming to an end, each of us are all over the place. Gavin wakes up crying asking to speak to daddy-which in a sense, Jons happy he's asking about him. Chelsea is all over the place with her emotions and mood swings-but it's part of her O.D.D and any time away from her Daddy just makes it worse! And as for me...well I'm all over the place as well. How can one person be so full and happy with life, but feel so empty at the same time? I don't understand it, or myself. It's making me question my own sanity. I'm happy in my life, in love, with my family, I live in paradise, I have no complaints, but I'm so terribly lonely, and missing Jon. I know it's normal, but I'm not sure how to justify how happy and how almost depressed I've become. I have plenty of amazing friends, so I don't want to take away from that when you see me say I'm "lonely". But theres only one person who can complete me the way he does. Who can fulfil that void, Only one person to make me feel 100%.